Manhood, masculinity … an idea that is being criticised and blamed in our times for everything that is wrong in our world. To be fair, every virtue, taken to the extreme, will become a vice. The virtues of masculinity are no exception. Taken to the extreme, they can create anxiety, homicide, rape, and war. But if manhood would be represented by one thing, that would be self-control. A mature man is not defined by extremes and not taken to the extreme, the virtues of masculinity represent a gold mine for humankind that should not be tossed away.

Yet if we are being honest, friend, praise of good men is an endangered species. We forgot much of what is good about manhood, and when something good is facing extinction, it needs special attention.

There are continuities of masculinity that go beyond cultural differences. We have a duty not to label men and manhood as bad, rotten, or obsolete. The elements that represent true and mature manhood are a blessing in a rough and merciless world.

When thinking of giving and generosity, we often associate this with actions such as giving a gift or nurturing someone in need, but let us not forget a form of giving that is not so obvious and in plain sight.

Let us not forget the man working in a coal mine and contracting black lungs so that his child can attend college as he never could. We do not see him in the darkness of the mine or driving a truck at 3 a.m. on his fourth coffee. He spends much of his life earning money to finance a home his loving wife fell in love with.

Learn to appreciate, friend, this form of giving as well, even if it is less obvious and recognize the value of men who take action in silence and away from the eyes of the world.

Manhood teaches the value of a careful system of rules, within which anyone can work to gain advantage. Such rules give everyone a much more equal chance for success than they would have without the rules, and mastering these rules feels like survival to men, survival of themselves and their family.

You can easily observe this idea in sports and games, where fairness—not necessarily honesty—emerges. Think of the football player gifted with a foul that was not committed against him. He calls out the referee, letting him know he made a mistake, while his peers urge him to keep quiet and take advantage of the misjudgment.

Applaud the men who embrace the spirit of fairness, a cornerstone of manhood that builds trust and loyalty.

Keep in mind, friend: as a man, you tend to focus more on the outer world than the inner one. Expressing feelings may never be your strong point. In today’s world, people may see focusing on action rather than feelings as heartless, but do not be persuaded by this.

When the woman that you love will be facing a challenge and just needs a listening ear, your way of supporting her will probably be to help with the problem that was making her upset and restless. This is not a heartless way of behaving. This means that you take her problem seriously and trying to find a solution is an act of love and care.

Anything less—like just standing around with a supportive smile when the woman you love is hurting—is cruelty. Understand that finding solutions is a man’s way of nurturing.

General accusations “that men pursue only power and control” have appeared more frequently in the past decade than the appreciation for the billions of hours sacrificed by fair and just men to give themselves the leadership training needed to push themselves as well as others to higher levels of quality of life and to offer opportunities that might not exist without such an effort.

Leadership, viewed from a mature man’s perspective, means gaining power and control to serve, not to oppress. Applaud the men who put their time and skills to serve others. They create a better world around them. Respect the ones not lured into the temptation of power and control, the ones humble enough not to become deluded by the influence that they have, the ones for whom leadership is not about them.

Let us not forget that keeping one’s emotions under control is a great trait in times of crisis. Let us not ignore stories of terrible accidents. Stories with cars crashed on the highway, where blood and screams were everywhere. Let us not overlook the men, in control of their emotions, who managed to put their efforts together. The men who rescued the survivors before the cars blew up in flames.

Reports of accidents often ignore the brave men who held it together and saved everyone they could. Appreciate the men who go out of their way to keep themselves calm and collected in moments when panic would be a reasonable reaction. Look up to the ones not showing signs of despair when fear and doubt flood their minds.

Take note, friend. Many blame strong men for having fragile egos, just because they compete and fiercely fight to become number one. Yet they fail to recognise the strength of that ego—the power to conduct self-reevaluation after every loss. When you embrace the ego and focus on becoming better, you act not out of selfishness but from a drive that benefits everyone.

Have respect for the men who have the power to always ask “What did I do wrong?”, the men who have the humility to find the real answers for such a question, the men who focus immediately on correcting their shortcomings just before jumping into the game again.

Such men take sports and competitions seriously because these engagements represent a perfect platform to also express intense feelings. Society often persuades you to aim for a life that is always calm and collected, free of anger and resentment. But life is not that simple. Suppressing anger and resentment only builds pressure until anger and resentment will control you. When life tests you, the ability to express anger constructively reflects strength—a quality we often times neglect.

Look up to men who do not deny their impulsive feelings, but who find efficient ways to integrate them into their lives. Men who willingly express them quickly and intensely through sports or other activities. Men who understand the intensity of their emotions, never raising this intensity beyond the point of losing control. Men who are able to harness this energy and channel it into powerful, kind, and loving ways.

Explore more in the second part of this series: True Virtues Of Manhood (2)