Nice to greet you again, friend. In today’s newsletter, in these dire times, let us ponder a bit on one element that we all chase and desire but somehow always miss. Happiness – what is it and how you might throw it away.

Are you craving happiness while drowning alone in envy and resentment? Are you wondering how come such a wonderful state of being seems to always forsake you? Here’s what you need to know.

Happiness … that element we learn from a young age, represents the ultimate goal in life. An idea shared in stories, movies and in some cases in the nation’s constitution. Yet when we lift our eyes and look into the world, we can barely see a smile of fulfilment, a glance of satisfaction, an individualthat is happy.

If you wonder why that is, friend and if that first statement made you contemplate your own relationship with happiness, let us dive into this issue and figure out why you, just like many, might be unknowingly throwing away your happiness.

To set the stage right, imagine that you are in the desert, alone. In angry protest against the hardships of your journey, you slash with your knife your water bottle. You let all the water drop on the hot sand. The water that means health, strength and life itself in this scenario. Would you agree that such an act would be supreme madness?

Let us bring you back to civilisation and imagine you see a man on the street rolling a hundred-dollar bill. He then decides to light it on fire to boastfully light his cigar. After this, he watches it burn into uselessness. Would you not consider that a waste of a resource? Wasting something that could have been used for something good and helpful, but instead was sacrificed to vanity and arrogance?

Yet in your everyday life, friend, you too can find countless instances of happiness thrown away just as foolishly. And this for nothing but the puny gratification of a moment. Your happiness rarely dies a natural death. You slay it with your own hands, or others kill it for you. And in the resulting bitterness, you may even throw the blame on the ways of the universe – when, in fact, you alone are at fault.

Keep in mind that happiness does not consist of what you have but what you are. You will not find it in your possessions but in your attitude towards them. Happiness is not absolute, requiring certain fixed conditions. It is relative. What would be a joy for you might be a burden for someone else.

Happiness does not always require success, prosperity or fulfilment. Sometimes, friend, you can find it in the joy of hopeful struggle, in the devotion of your purpose and energy to some good end. Real happiness does not need external validation since it has its roots in unselfishness. Happiness grows in love of some kind.

If you are honest with yourself, you will realise that you make or break your own happiness and that of others to a larger degree than you are willing to admit. It is always easier to pose as a victim of circumstances than to prove yourself the victor.

Remember that the soul of your happiness is love, in some form. Without an open heart that may inspire you, recreate you, give you wings when you are exhausted, build new shields of faith when you hurt deeply, you may never experience the joy of life. The joy of life that leaves no room for pain, that lights the darkest corners of your soul. The joy we often call happiness.

You may have this great bliss firmly in your grasp, yet for a mere nothingness, you may throw it away. You let some petty, mean trait of yours, some weakness you should master through self-control, cheat you of your joy.

Look back at your behaviour, friend, and see how you have often let a small momentary satisfaction rob you of your happiness. How a foolish jealousy that shut your eyes to the truth made you snap a quick judgment out of pride instead of fairness. Realise how this is swallowing up your contentment.

You may let idle gossip, false sympathy, imbecile advice from those who know absolutely nothing about your real condition shut you off from love and fulfilment. You may allow all of this to breed doubt and suspicion into your heart, and choke your reality of truth.

And when it is all over, you may not even have the moral courage to stand back up, as you should. And in your late realisation and loneliness of your unhappy soul, when your conscience holds the bitter truth in front of your face, your only poor satisfaction will be the understanding that you have killed the love in your heart for such petty trivialities.

Never forget that real friends are rare in life. They are formed by weathering the same challenges of fate together. Friendships thrive by standing in the heat of conflict side-by-side, having a common interest in a common ideal. True friendships flourish by having a basic understanding of mutual respect and loyalty for a camaraderie that grows stronger as need grows greater. Even love, friend, in reality, is only a supreme, unique brand of perfected friendship.

But you may throw this element of happiness away in a mood of selfishness or blindness. through momentary neglect or egotistical ingratitude in a critical time when the friendship needs encouragement, sympathy or help. Ingratitude and a breach of confidence in a sensitive moment will seem like calculated treachery. It will kill a friendship and the happiness that it created for years.

You are often happy in your hopes, your plans, your purposes and possessions. But you often let the envy of another poison the wellspring of your well-being? Envy is the drug that does not give you what seems so worthy to you, simply because it belongs to another.

The very thing you desire might not even fit with you, even if you could get it. But you often feel that your neighbour’s car, your friend’s relationship or even a meal that someone else has ordered looks much better or more appetising than yours.

Remember, friend, that your happiness does not come from the comparison of your life with others. You have your own life to live at its best, not the life of another. Make the best out of your relationships, and get what you can from your own life. Live so intently that the joy from your existence will overflow to others. Allow this to transform you into someone who represents a fortress of refuge to those who need you.

Possessions and achievements cannot guarantee anything, because the happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts and perceptions. Therefore, guard them accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable reality. Live each day at your best. Live simply, sincerely, honourably and with an open heart, because this is the surest way to win and hold happiness.

Let us put these ideas to good use and get you something good out of them. One of the clearest ways we unknowingly throw away our happiness is through ingratitude toward the people who matter most, and envy that poisons our own contentment by fixating on what others have.

Today’s practical action: Practice a quick “gratitude moment” whenever envy or ungrateful thoughts creep in.

– Pause and notice – The moment you feel a sting of comparison or take your spouse/friend for granted, stop for 10 seconds.

– Name one specific thing you’re grateful for about your own situation or the person in front of you right now. Make it concrete and personal:

“I appreciate the care I get from my spouse whenever I am in a rut.”

“I’m grateful for the way my friend checked in and helped me when I had tough financial times.”

– Express it if possible – Say it out loud or send a short message, or write it in a note: “Hey, just wanted to say I’m really grateful you’re in my life – thanks for being you.”

Do this at least once today and try to do it tomorrow as well.

Over time, such small actions guard your heart, strengthen love and friendships, and remind you that real joy lives in your attitude and unselfish connections – not in comparisons.

If these ideas clicked with you, dive deeper into more insights like this by exploring our full newsletter archive or browsing the latest articles on our dedicated articles page!