But have you ever wondered, friend, why many of the relationships that do their best to maintain such a perfect image break? Were you ever curious to know why some marriages last until death, and although the smiles are not everlasting and the joy is not infinite, these partners seem to have a depth in their eyes that appears to have touched both heaven and hell? And is there something else that makes a great relationship last, something besides the pill filled with kindness and joy, smiles and purity, perfection, and constant love that you are being fed everywhere?

To answer such questions objectively, understand that every relationship involves conflict. Ask any couple about a true marital fact. Many will say the qualities that first drew them to each other often spark conflicts later.

For example, a man may cherish his wife’s warmth and empathy, yet later perceive these same traits as intrusive. Meanwhile, his wife might adore his reliability, predictability, and security, yet later call them dull and boring. These same qualities that ignite attraction often fuel later conflicts. Beyond this, both partners carry hidden demons, buried deep in their unconscious, unnoticed until they resurface. When these tensions emerge, couples who avoid addressing them tend to blame each other, leading to breakups.

These same qualities that created the initial attraction often fuel conflicts later on in the relationship. Besides this, both you and your loved one will come into the relationship with a bag of demons. Demons that are buried so deep into your unconscious that you don’t even know about them anymore. The moments that break relationships are moments of tension when such demons resurface. Partners who refuse to use the necessary tools to solve these issues will throw the blame onto their significant other and eventually break up.

You’ll often hear, friend, that you should calmly discuss your dark sides with your partner in a polite, understanding chat—the so-called “I’m-okay-you’re-okay” talk. Sadly, this often buries problems rather than resolving them.

Keep in mind that in these moments, when your insecurities, developed because of your father’s abandonment, or her insecurities created by her mother’s indifference surface, when scars from the past are reopened and start bleeding on the inside, relationships either break or get stronger.

The answer to the question “why do some marriages last until death?” comes from the way couples resolve these situations.

You see, talking and calmly empathising with your loved one will not always work. When deep scars reopen, when demons from the past resurface, you sometimes have to scream, slam doors, break a coffee table, or smash a TV just to begin finding the words to describe what is eating you. Sometimes, meditation won’t be enough. Sometimes, you just need to shake things. And if you are afraid of breaking things, within and without, the only thing that will break is your relationship.

A strong marriage is the unbreakable among all the things that have been broken. Marriage is the thing left after the earthquake of emotions and despair is gone. Marriage is the union that helps two people discover what they don’t know about each other, but also what they don’t know about themselves.

Accept this fact, friend, and do not mask it under the false pretence of perfection. When things get rough, let it all out and see what remains in the morning. Sometimes, the only way to stop the scars of the past from haunting you is to bring them to the surface once more. Sometimes you have to feel their pain again and deal with them, many times in a not-so-nice way.

Keep in mind, friend, that strong relationships thrive on forgiveness. To learn to forgive is to break the unforgiving past. But remember that forgiveness is not a passive action, as you might believe. It’s not about silently turning the other cheek and forgetting about it.

Forgiveness is a promise that you, as the one asking for it, make to work on the misfortunes that consume you. Forgiveness means you will do your best to resolve them. A great marriage is the platform that gives all concerned the opportunity to forgive. Even if, sometimes, when you are trying to break through the darkest demons and scars inside you, some dishes and furniture might go in the process.

Remember, friend, that both you and your significant other are full of demons. If you marry to try to make your darkness go away, ignoring it altogether, you will only marry your darkness to someone else’s darkness, and you will bleed together and call that love.

All of us, you, me and every other person on this planet, are full of demons and scars, some of them smaller, some of them bigger. When you decide to commit to a relationship, when you decide to get married and build a family, your demons will come with you, and your significant other’s demons will come too.

Over time, your demons will appear, and you will start hearing a distant scream. You will feel a forgotten pain triggered by a small event that should have passed by unnoticed. The same can happen with all your loved ones. Out of the blue, you may find yourself desperately fighting with each other over things that make no sense. You will experience a level of anger, anxiety, and pain that you cannot explain or are too afraid to.

Keep in mind, friend, that in a lasting relationship, these encounters sometimes happen compulsively and accidentally. In such a relationship, both partners recognise this level of activity as a quest to better understand each other. If you engage in such a relationship, you take on this responsibility for yourself and for the one you love.

The two lovers who embrace forgiveness hold the answer to a great relationship that only death can break. The two lovers who are not afraid to explore and challenge each other’s inner demons and scars, fighting them, making them talk, running from them, falling in love with some, hating other, embracing some, hanging other in each other’s closet and dealing with them together when they suddenly erupt with such a force as to shake the foundation of their relationship.

Never forget, friend, that great things will always require effort. Remember: Even though it seems that marriage will bring pain and suffering with it, the pain and suffering are already there. They are already consuming you while you have no name for them. They are devouring you while you have no understanding of them. You mask the pain because you have no heart or are too blind to look at it alone.

A great marriage can provide the platform to look deeper into your darkness. A great marriage will help you finally have some answers for the demons that lurk in your closet. If you wonder if it is worth it to commit your life to such a challenge, if you doubt that you can pull this through, remember this:

You build trust and loyalty in the darkest moments when both of you stay together no matter what. When both of you face the demons that haunt you. When both of you are bold enough to share the honest truth and kind enough to have the heart to forgive and rebuild the damage that the storms of the past create.

To know 100% that no matter what, at least one soul in this world will be next to you, through thick and thin, is one of the greatest elements of human experience. If you want this in your life, if you want to experience a relationship bond that only death can break, you will need the courage to face the darkness, fearlessness to accept your weakness and a loving heart to embrace forgiveness.

When your relationship faces the demons of the past, when your marriage opens the scars from yesterday, will you let fear and ego drive you to break up, or will you have the guts to look into the darkness, the will to face it, and the kindness and love in your heart to forgive?

A great relationship means battling together the elements both of you fear the most. Will you stand for your love or will you feed your fears and walk away?

Your choice will have half the answer for an unbreakable bond.