The goodness, the ordinary, and the decent selves that we display in our daily lives are nothing without the hidden powers of the vicious, the dark, and terrible energies that we conceal from our realities. Our ego and alter ego are an inseparable pair, much like light and shade. Yet we often seem to focus only on what lies above the surface.
Did you ever wonder, friend, what lies beneath the surface of your being? Have you ever been curious enough to look beyond the borders of your conscience and face your dark side? Have you ever been keen to know what traits and perks of your personality you have dismissed from your daily life, carrying them unconsciously in an invisible backpack that seems to haunt you more and more as time goes by?
THE BACKPACK
To face the unknown, to face your darkness, can be a scary thought. But if you leave it unexplored and untamed, ignoring its power, you will eventually project your shadow somewhere out in your world. You will eventually define your life this way. This will make you a bitter, hateful, barbaric individual unable to control his impulses and resist his vices.
You will become someone consumed by regret. Eventually, you will blame your situation on anything and everything but yourself, your fears, or your inability to accept that your current condition is the result of the demons you are not willing to face.
Reject this possible path in life, friend. Build enough courage to explore and understand your darkness. Just like everyone else, you carry with you an invisible “backpack”, filled with every little thing that you had to put away in order to develop the self that you present to the world. That self that can function in a group, in a community, and in society.
LETS JUMP AT YOUR BEGINNINGS
From a very young age, you packed some parts of yourself. You hid them away to please the ones that cared for you, learning step by step how to function in a small group. In exchange for love from your parents, you stashed away in your “backpack” impulses and reactions that you were told are not acceptable. Anything from not standing still to not killing your siblings.
As you grew older and started interacting with other people, your “backpack” started to fill even more. From your teachers in school who told you to reject your anger and aggression because the ones who are good are not getting angry and are not playing aggressively, to your peers from your class, to whom you automatically lied to, just so that you fit in with the cool kids.
This process, friend, is useful and unavoidable. However, you have to understand that by the time you are in your twenties, the “full self” that you think you display in the world is actually representing only a small piece of yourself. You stashed the rest of you away in the “backpack”, pushing down its huge burden on your shoulders.
WHAT HAPPENS WITH THE BACKPACK
The parts of you that you hid away, if you leave them unchecked, will regress towards inhumanity. When the time comes to open your “backpack”, which it will come, you will find extreme hostility.
The self you present in your day-to-day life, the wonderful, moral, and ethical citizen who is always thinking about the good of others, is just the guardian holding the door closed. The door behind which the wildness, the anger, and the impulsiveness that you stashed away are regressing more and more towards their hostile and primitive form.
Remember, friend, if you avoid looking into your own darkness, if you avoid understanding the true nature of your being, and if you avoid bringing some of your true nature into your reality, someone else will do it for you indirectly. That someone else might be your loving wife who sees you as a hero. Until your uncontrolled anger rolled up inside you and unexpressed for twenty years, turns you into a tyrant.
That someone else might be your daughter, who sees you as the god of her world. Until she has to face your repressed energy. An energy that will make you brutal in your criticism, forcing her to reject herself, while also being rejected by the one she, by default, admires.
How To DEAL WIth this repression
You see, friend, to build your personality based on cultural and collective values is only the first step that you have to take in your journey of becoming a mature individual. To be a part of fundamental structures, like families, communities, or any other form of group that represents certain ideals or values, you have to repress some of your qualities.
But repression does not eliminate these qualities, nor does it stop them from functioning. It only removes them from your awareness. This will transform them into fears and obsessions, continuing their existence unchecked and in disruptive ways.
As shocking as it may be, have the courage to accept that you filled the “backpack” that you carry with the things you do not wish to see. It takes nerve not to flinch or to be crushed by the sight of your own darkness. I dare you, friend, to refuse to project your evil into the world. Have the courage to accept responsibility for your inferior self.
How Bad Can Become Good
Do not disregard your selfish and evil intentions. Realise that only when you are truly shocked by who you really are can you begin your journey of becoming the one you aspire to be. You are not necessarily responsible for the way you are or feel. However, you are accountable for the way you act. Confront your demons. Have the choice of when, how, and where you allow yourself to express your dark tendencies. In this way, you can do it constructively.
Do not deny yourself this possibility by “virtuously” looking the other way. Have the courage to open your “backpack”. Descend into your own darkness. Confront your demons, and keep them in your awareness.
We all have a dark side, both you and me, and if you assume you do not have it, it means it already has you.
Are you able to see your demons?
For if you don’t, it’s time to be alert!
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